That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
