Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
