Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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