everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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