STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
