If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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