Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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