her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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