Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
