I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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