They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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