i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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