I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
