twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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