Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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