I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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