I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
