don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize