Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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