I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The adults are the big ones right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
