How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
