Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
