I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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