No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
