her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
