like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
