i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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