i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
