I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
