You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
