the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
