I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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