i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
