I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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