So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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