And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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