I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
