What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
