On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Come on in and take your pants off
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