All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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