so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
