I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
