operation harelip BJ is a go
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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