Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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