Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
