Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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