I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
