it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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