You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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