New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
