How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
