Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
