I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
