allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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