that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
