You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
