don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Someone stole a lamp last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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