We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
