I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
