Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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