I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
