my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
